Sunday, October 16, 2011

Over Analyzation....

  I have found myself over analyzing everything, but mostly people. When I see people walking down a hallway I try to understand the person in the two seconds, but of course that is impossible. I don't necessarily mean to, but I also find myself -while over analyzing them- pointing out their every flaw to make myself feel a little better about myself. For example, I tend to find myself thinking, "Well I'm glad I'm not the fattest person in here this time."
  Now I will admit - unlike most girls ever- I'm not fat, but I'm not the skinniest. I don't care what my friends think or why they think what they do, but I believe what I believe and I will stick with my own beliefs.
  Back to over analyzing. I think, I may be so self conscience and shy, because I think people analyze people like I do, but then again, most people who I take a certain interest in are kind of jerks who have their head shoved up their @ss.
  The conceited ones, I think, may not think about other people and how they think or how the shy, somewhat over weight girl who sits a few seats in front of him in science works out the world in her mind. I tend to think they think more like. "Hmm...I hope I look good today. Oh wait I always do. They are not good enough for ME because I am an amazing person."
  Now I am almost positive that is not true, at all. But, somehow in the back of my brain that how I comfort myself into thinking he's not thinking. "Ew she's so icky, I wish she wouldn't sit so near to me."  Because that is like the default setting in my brain.
  So, in summary, I believe that my habit of over analyzing people makes me more conscience of how I act, which makes me self conscience and shy.
  Then I'm left to think to myself.
  Maybe...I'm the only one...

Monday, October 10, 2011

In a Pickle.

  I've always had a problem for falling for the wrong guys. For example, I fell for this guy Robbie who was the biggest jerk EVER. Then I continued to like him for like two years -still to this day I can't quite resist him. Anyways, and I never fall for the good guys. Until now.
  I fell for my best friend. He trusts me like a sister and tells me about his problems. Including his girl problems. Ever since I've known him he's had a HUGE crush on another of my best friends. He always tells me how much he loves her and how it hurts him to see her dating other guys and asks me why she doesn't like him. I always told him "She's a jerk, a whore. I love her to death, but she'd just stomp on your heart if you were to date her." He never believed me though, 'till homecoming this year when she finally agreed to go with him and then totally ditched him for another guy...or two. 
  He was heart broken and I was his diary. He vented for about a month before he met another girl and told me all about her, and I realized just then, I wish he were falling for me. 
  Why couldn't he like me, I'm perfect for him. He's just like me and I'm just like her! Except she's prettier than me...and skinnier. Now that I realized I liked him I thought about all the advice I'd given him...and they were all neon arrows saying "Pick me! Pick me!". He didn't notice of course, but does that mean I have liked him for longer than this. 
  Yes, it does. 
  We know each as well -or better- than we know ourselves, so he knows something is up and he knows I'm hiding something big from him. Its driving him insane. Now I have to avoid him, because he's all up in my business.
  God, I want to tell him, so bad! But, if I do it'll freak him out.